


You'll Never be Afraid Again

by orphan_account



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Emo, Gen, Punk Rock, Rock Stars, Rock and Roll
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:27:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23404498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Alex is at a festival excited to see the headliners - My Chemical Romance. But when she loses her glasses in the mosh pit, an intense panic attack sends her seeking safety. Where she ends up is never what she could have imagined.
Kudos: 3





	You'll Never be Afraid Again

An elbow flying in from my left shunted me forward, dislodging my glasses in the processes. It was a fleeting second, but it was fatal. My glasses were official claimed by the mosh pit, and I was blind in the crowd. Lights continued to flash as the music roared around me. I had managed to survive the majority of the festival without losing my glasses. It had to be right before the headlining act that I was struck blind. My heart rate started to pick up and it had nothing to do with the intense moshing I was participating in. I started trying to flail towards one of the edges, feeling trapped and lost in the pit. I knew what was coming, and I needed to run. Anywhere. I needed to be safe.  
As soon as that elbow had bumped me, I was completely displaced. I had been with my best friend Amy, but I had no idea where she was now. The pit was manic, rocking out to Pierce the Veil. But all the excitement of the day was finally sending my anxiety off the scales with this latest development.  
I continued shoving through the crowd blindly, led mostly by the promise of cool, fresh air. After a couple of minutes I finally managed to burst free from the crowd of writhing, sweaty bodies. My lungs filled deeply with fresh air, but still my heart pounded against my chest as if it were still trying to escape the pit. My stomach was starting to cramp and I was struggling to get my breathing even. I just needed to find somewhere safe.  
The lights were dim in this area, and I was barely able to discern where I was. I fumbled towards a brick building and slid down with my back against the outside wall. My stomach churned and I didn’t know if I was going to be sick or pass out. I clutched my knees against my chest as best I could in my tight pants, trying to even out my breathing. The fear inside me reached around every one of my organs with an icy hand. It weakened my limbs and stole any clarity from my mind.  
My hands fumbled in my pocket for my phone, which flashed a large battery symbol at me when I tried to use it. Shit, no juice. I was completely alone, and I wasn’t sure if I would be able to survive this. The panic was setting in at eleven now, and my mouth was a dessert, but my palms were soaked with sweat.  
“Hey, are you okay?” A male, American voice asked me. A lot of people had flown out for the festival, but still the accent was a bit of a surprise.  
I considered briefly how I must look to the stranger. He probably assumed I was on drugs, curled up next to this building that smelt like piss and bile.  
My words all caught on my parched tongue, so I just shook my head, unable to bring myself to even lift my head. Not that I would’ve been able to see him in through the shadows and blur anyway.  
I heard him crouch down next to me. “Do you need help?” He tried again.  
“Scared,” is all I managed to exhale.  
He seemed to take a moment to reassess the situation, and then moved to be directly in front of me, so I could still make out his figure without having to move my head. I felt his hand gently start to rub my shoulder. I began to recoil, but realised how comforting the feeling was. I wasn’t alone, there was someone else here. My hands and feet began to feel less numb, as I started to find my way back to Earth.  
“Are you having a panic attack?” The stranger asked me in a soft voice now.  
I nodded, still trying to focus on breathing at a normal pace. I knew that hyperventilating was just going to make things worse, but I couldn’t get my brain to co-operate. The knots in my stomach were loosening a little knowing that I was not completely alone.  
“Can I take you to the med tent or something?”  
I just shook my head. “Can’t move. Scared.” The idea of going anywhere right now seemed like an impossible task. My body had completely locked down. If I just stayed really still, maybe whatever monster was after me wouldn’t hurt me. I just ignored the logical fact that the monster was in my head, and there was no actual impending doom.  
“Okay. Is it okay if I stay here with you then? We can just talk for a bit until you feel better.” As he spoke I started to feel more comfortable. There was something about him that made me feel like I knew him, but I couldn’t place it. His voice was familiar, but my mind was addled with anxiety, so I really couldn’t be sure.  
“Thank-you,” I whispered in response. I could feel the panic starting to fade. I knew logically that the human body could only stay in a heightened state of panic for about five minutes at a time. My timer was starting to run down, and I would just have to combat the following waves of anxiety. I just had to wait it out, survive until then.  
“Did you come alone today?”  
“I was with my friend Amy, but I lost her in the pit and my phone is dead.” I spoke the words slowly, focusing on each syllable. The process helped me not think about the grip the fear had on me.  
“If you know her number, you can borrow my phone?” He offered me something that I couldn’t make out.  
“I also lost my glasses in the pit. I’m very blind right now,”  
“Well no wonder you’re scared. I would be too.” He chuckled slightly, and it tickled a memory in the back of my mind. “What’s your name?”  
“Alex,”  
“Did you see all the bands you wanted today?”  
“I was hanging out for the headliners, but I guess I’ll have to miss them again now.” The sadness was plain in my voice. The headlining act had not toured locally for me in over a decade, and the previous time they had dates local they had to cancel due to multiple reasons. It seemed like fate was demanding that I never see them live.  
“What do you mean again?”  
“They haven’t toured these parts in a very long time and the last time I had tickets they had to cancel. I’ve been so nervous something stupid like this would happen and I wouldn’t be able to see them again.”  
“Ah, the self-fulfilling prophecy. It’s a classic.” He chuckled again, and this time an alarm bell went off in my head. This was definitely someone I knew, but why couldn’t I place him?  
“Um, this might sound really dumb, but do I know you? You sound really familiar, but I literally can’t see anything of you except that you’re wearing a black hoodie.”  
“Nah, don’t think we’ve ever met. Name’s Frankie,” He took my right and in his and shook it.  
“Where are you from?”  
“Jersey,” His accent was thick when he said it, I should’ve picked it up earlier. I heard a vibration and saw him fumble for his phone in his hoodie pocket.  
“I’m so sorry, you probably have friends waiting for you.”  
“Oh it’s okay,” he said, sliding his phone back into his pocket, “Our act is on next, but I’ve still got some time before I need to go. How are you feeling?”  
‘Our act’ was a strange way to say he was hanging out for the next set, but I didn’t think anything of it. My breathing had evened out while we had been talking, and I was able to relax out of the foetal position.  
“Much better. Thank-you for distracting me. I literally thought I was going to die,” The anxiety was still churning around in my stomach, but the fear gripping my entire body had mostly dissipated.  
“What a way to go. Death by panic against a festival toilet block.”  
“Oh god, I’m leaning against the dunnies?!” I shuffled away from the wall a couple inches, horrified.  
He let out a full blown laugh at me then. “That is the most ridiculous word I’ve heard, mate,” He teased.  
I heard his phone go off in succession a few more times.  
“Please, go meet up with your friends. I don’t want to stop you from seeing My Chem too.”  
“They wouldn’t dare go on without me. Anyway, I’m not going to leave you alone, anxious and without a phone at a metal festival. That’s just not the gentleman thing to do.”  
He stood up and extended his hand towards me. I hesitated for a minute, then took his hand and stood with him. He was barely an inch taller than me to my surprise. Maybe it was crazy to go with a stranger at a music festival, but I felt so strangely safe with this man.  
“Come on, I promise I won’t hurt you. And I get the feeling you’ll get along great with my friends.”  
I smiled in the direction of his face, but still could not pick out a single feature. It was definitely time to look into contacts.  
He looped his arm through mine and guided me across the showgrounds to wherever it was he was going. I was vaguely aware that we were headed towards the stage that My Chemical Romance were set to perform on shortly. Maybe I wouldn’t miss them after all – I just wouldn’t be able to see anything very well.  
The sound of the festival faded behind us as we passed into a sealed off area. I was starting to get a bit nervous again, but there were still other people around, so I was still safe for now. He knocked on a door, and I was beginning to think I should leave. This was getting strange and I really didn’t know where I was, and no-one else knew where I was either.  
Before I could excuse myself, though, the door swung open.  
“Fucks sake, Frank! Where have you been?” The figure in the door way said.  
My arm dropped out of my kind stranger’s arm, and I stood shocked for a moment. There was no gentle tug at the back of my mind at the sound of that voice. I knew exactly who it was behind door number one. My shock quickly moved into embarrassment, and I felt my cheeks flush violently as I realised Frank Iero was the kind voice who had just comforted me out of a panic attack.  
“Sorry, Gee, I was making friends,” Frank replied, indicating me. The light from within the door highlighted enough of Frank’s face now that I could not be mistaken.  
I started to feel lightheaded again. “I need to sit down,” I murmured, fumbling towards the nearest wall once more.  
“Hey, hey, hey, are you okay???” Gerard darted towards me, grabbing me under the arms so I wouldn’t collapse right then and there.  
“No,” I whispered. My mouth was drying out again and my brain seemed to be toying with the possibility of throwing up all over Gerard’s shoes.  
“Come on, let’s get you inside,” Frank was back on my other side, helping support me into the small, air conditioned room. The cool air was a refreshing change from the humidity outside. They deposited me onto a couch, and I promptly buried my face in the armrest.  
“She was having a panic attack outside the toilets. I couldn’t leave her there,” I heard Frank explain to someone.  
The anxiety was starting to work its way from choking my throat, to gripping my heart and out to my limbs again. This could not be happening. Maybe I really had died against that damn dunny.  
There was a screeching sound as a chair was pulled close to the couch I was on. Someone reached for my hands, and I lifted my head to see who.  
Gerard Way was sitting less than a foot in front of me, looking at me intensely. He was close enough that I could actually make out his face fairly well, and I was familiar enough with it to fill in the blanks. He took my hands in his and looked directly into my eyes.  
“You’re okay. You’re safe here. We’re going to breathe together, and you’re going to be okay.” He spoke softly, and just his voice alone sent me to happy place. My hands were shaking, but I’m pretty sure it was more to do with excitement than anxiety.  
He continued to sit with me for about ten minutes, just breathing slowly, making sure I was allowing myself to calm down. On the final exhale, I felt the last tendrils of panic seep away, back to the darkness from which they were summoned.  
I rescinded my hands into my lap, and looked away, incredibly embarrassed again. I never liked to let onto anyone about my anxiety, and I had just let my favourite band in on the secret.  
“Feeling better?” His face lit up with a smile that I couldn’t help but return.  
“Thank-you so much. I’m so sorry I’ve interrupted you.” I started to get up to leave, but a hand with a bottle of water stopped me from moving. As my eyes followed the hand up to the body, I realised Mikey was standing next to me, a small smile on his face.  
I gratefully took the bottle from him and took a long drink.  
“I know how much anxiety dries your mouth out,” Mikey mumbled before returning to the fridge to grab himself a bottle.  
I took a moment to look around the room. I could make out Ray sitting in the corner fiddling with something. Mikey was now leaning against the bar fridge he had retrieved his water from. Gerard was still sitting opposite me and Frank was standing not far behind him. The entire scene was completely surreal.  
“I’m Alex, by the way,” I awkwardly reached out my hand for Gerard to shake. The silence in the room was stretching on, and I really didn’t know what else to do.  
“Gerard,” he smiled, shaking my hand.  
I ducked my head, tucking a strand of red hair behind my ear.  
“I’m so sorry to have intruded like this. My glasses got claimed by the pit and my phone is dead so I accepted my fate and began to panic. Totally reasonable reaction,” I said sarcastically.  
“It is a reasonable reaction,” Gerard quickly reassured.  
“We all get it. I for one have had fucking awful attacks.” Frank said, coming to sit beside me.  
“Oh god, you must think I’m such a fucking idiot,” I said to Frank. “You’re trying to help this stupid girl and all she can do is gush about you band.” I buried my face in my hands thinking about the conversation we had had outside.  
“You shouldn’t put yourself down like that,” Gerard chastised. “And I’m sure Frank would not have been complaining. Fucker is addicted to praise.”  
“I am not!” Frank retorted, throwing a couch cushion at Gerard.  
The door to the room opened and a small blonde woman with a headset poked her head in. “You guys need to be side stage in ten.”  
“Are we able to get a pass for our friend here?” Frank asked, without missing a beat.  
I choked on my water. “I have a ticket, I don’t-“  
“Nonsense,” Frank cut me off. “You said you missed us last time because we couldn’t come. I’m not letting you be disappointed again. Side stage or nothing.”  
I just looked around the room, really unsure what to say or do.  
The blonde woman opened up a pouch attached to her hip and threw a lanyard at Frank. “Ten minutes,” she said again, closing the door as she left.  
“Here you go, enjoy the show,” Frank put the lanyard around my neck. The VIP sparkled against the black card of the pass.  
“I did die next to a dunny, didn’t I,” I muttered, still completely unable to comprehend what is happening.  
The guys started to round themselves up, getting ready to leave. Ray wandered over in my direction while the others were distracted.  
“You said your phone was dead, we have a couple of different chargers over here if you want to let someone know where you are.” He offered, indicating some cables on the table near where he was just sitting.  
“Oh, yes please. My friend Amy is somewhere out there and has probably just realised I’m missing.”  
I plugged my phone in and turned it on. I had 12 messages from Amy asking if I was alive. I sent her a quick text to let her know I was safe and that I would meet her after the My Chem set. I didn’t have time to wait for a reply because the guys were already headed out the door.  
I trailed behind the four of them. Their excitement was contagious as they made their way to the stage. This was truly a once in a lifetime opportunity. I had basically peaked, nothing would ever top this.  
People say to never meet your heroes, but I was so blessed to have met mine. And they were four of the most caring and passionate men I have ever had the honour of meeting.


End file.
